How to Shift from Daddy's Girl to Dad's Caregiver

How to Shift from Daddys Girl to Dads Caregiver

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. & Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

Have you ever wondered how you can give back to your parents emotionally what they have given you?

It was painful for Tricia, as her father declined in his 80s. Dad and I shared such fun times together when I was young he taught me how to ride a horse, shoot a BB gun, ice skate, stand on my head. He was always so active. Last year, I had to insist that he not drive anymore. Now, seeing him shuffle around just breaks my heart.

Its difficult to watch as your parents deteriorate. And they may complicate the situation by being in denial about their vulnerable condition. Its up to you to acknowledge the true state of affairs and be straightforward in dealing with their increasing fragility. A number of issues must be discussed, uncomfortable as that is - health care directives in an emergency, long-term care options, a designated power of attorney, the distribution of income and assets.

After evaluating the practical issues that need to be managed, you will feel more in control as you gather detailed information and make arrangements for the most immediate concerns. Like Tricia, you can recall the good times and use some of the following tips to help you plan and implement your caregiving:

1. Embrace the changes in your parents and respect their integrity. Accept them at whatever stage they are, even as they become less strong physically and mentally. Willa reminisced about her Father. He has always been my hero. As a child, I felt safe with him because he was powerful in many ways. Now I admire his courage and dignity, as he struggles with coming to terms with end of life issues.

2. Spend time learning more about your parents illness. Educate yourself on what to expect and the resources available. Talk to friends who have gone through similar experiences, in order to get realistic feedback and concrete advice. Confront what you can and let go of the rest.

3. Make sure that your parents are as involved in the decision-making process as they can be. Moving out of their own home may signify their loss of independence. This often creates anger, frustration, or feelings of depression. Understanding their pain and engaging a geriatric social worker or gerontologist at this time can be helpful for everyone in the family.

4. Dont do it alone secure help, even if it is over your parents objections, and have support systems in place. Reach out, create a network, hire someone to assist them as often as you think is necessary. Betty was frantic about making arrangements for her Dad after his stroke. I was so relieved when I was introduced to the hospital discharge planner. Her expertise and kindness made the move to a rehabilitation center almost bearable. Make good use of community interventions, respite care, support groups and adult caregiver resources.

5. Be forthright with your family. Engage your siblings in the problems and the solutions. Ask for practical help and delegate responsibilities. Have them set aside personal agendas and work together toward collective goals.

6. Some nonprofit organizations nationwide offer free services or financial grants for respite care for family members who provide most of the care to their chronically ill elders. The federal government, through the National Family Caregiver Support Program, provided funds for respite care to over 190,000 families in 2004. To learn if there is a program in your local community, go online to Eldercare.gov and look for the Eldercare Locator, or call 1-800-677-1116.

7. See the present challenge as a teachable moment and make the most of learning whatever you can. Apply these lessons to other areas of your life. What insight have you gained about dealing with your own aging process? How can you talk to your children about your wishes when you become older?

8. Look for the positives in these tough times. Gloria was learning a lot about herself as she cared for her Dad in the last months of his life. I had never really been tested like this before. Sometimes caring for him seemed like more than I could endure, but I kept going. Now I know how strong I can be. In the end, think less about what youre losing and more about the chance you may be gaining. This could be the only time in your life that you have the opportunity to give back to your parents emotionally what they have given to you.

9. As you discover more about developing your own capacity for resiliency, you will find the way to nourish yourself. You may call on your faith, your spirituality, or your sense of humor. Rely on whatever sustains you during these most difficult moments.

© http://www.HerMentorCenter.com , 2006

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. & Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are co-founders of http://www.HermentorCenter.com, a website dedicated to the issues of mid-life women and http://www.NourishingRelationships.Blogspot.com, a Blog for the Sandwich Generation. They are co-authors of a forthcoming book about Baby Boomer women and their family relationships. As psychotherapists, they have over 40 years of collective private practice experience.

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Time Server Atomic Clock Timing References

Atomic clocks are extremely complex pieces of equipment created to maintain highly accurate time. Most atomic clocks are so expensive and complex that they are only generally found in National Physics laboratories or National Standards Laboratories. Commercial timing equipment is generally based on GPS or National Time and Frequency radio time broadcasts. By using a relatively low-cost radio or GPS receiver highly accurate timing information can be received without the expense of installing a true atomic timepiece.

This article discusses a number of atomic timing references and how they can be used to provide synchronisation of computer equipment and networks.

National Radio time and frequency broadcasts transmit accurate time and date information from a radio transmitter. A number of radio time and frequency broadcasts are available, such as: WWVB, DCF-77 and MSF-60. The time and frequency radio transmissions are referenced to a precise atomic clock time source. By utilising a relatively low-cost radio receiver PC and NTP server systems have access to precise timing information. Additionally, radio antennas can generally obtain a good signal indoors close to the host time server making installation very straight-forward. However, radio broadcasts have a finite range and are generally only available to a regional audience.

The DCF77 time broadcast is generated from from Frankfurt, Central Germany. The transmission is a long-wave signal broadcast at 77.5 kHz. The transmitters are maintained by T-Systems, a division of Deuche Telecom. The time and frequency broadcast is referenced to precise atomic clocks located at the German National Standards Laboratory (PTB) in Brunswick. The DCF-77 signal can be received using a low-cost radio receiver and when decoded provides a precise timing reference for computer time servers.

The MSF radio time and frequency transmission is broadcast from Anthorn, Cumbria in the United Kingdom. The signal is broadcast as a long-wave radio transmission at 60 kHz. The transmitted time and date information is referenced to atomic clocks sited at the UK National Physics Laboratory. The transmitters are maintained by VT Communications.

WWVB is the US National Time and Frequency radio broadcast. It is a 60 kHz transmission broadcast from Fort Collins, Colorado. The transmission is referenced to atomic clocks installed at the US National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST). WWVB provides a time and frequency reference to within 100 microseconds of the correct time and has been in operation for 45 years.

The GPS system is a Global Positioning System intended for worldwide navigation. The GPS system consists of 24 satellites in high orbit. By utilising triangulation, the GPS system can provide highly accurate positioning information anywhere on Earth. In order to calculate position, each orbiting satellite has an on-board atomic clock timing reference. Atomic time is constantly transmitted from each satellite and is available to a GPS receiver. The GPS signal is available subscription-free anywhere on the face of the Earth. By utilising a low-cost GPS antenna and receiver accurate timing information can be made available to NTP server and computer time synchronisation systems. A GPS antenna does however need to be installed ideally on a rooftop with a good 360-degree view of the sky.

The Network Time Protocol (NTP) is the standard means of achieving network time synchronisation. NTP is used to distribute accurate time around the Internet and other computer networks. The standard NTP server distribution for LINUX\UNIX is available free-of-charge under the GNU public licence and provides reference clock drivers for many radio and GPS receivers. Radio and GPS receivers are available with serial or USB ports that can interface to a PC or NTP time server to provide an accurate external timing reference. Depending on time source, NTP servers can synchronise to within a few microseconds of the correct time. Depending on network traffic they can synchronise network time clients to within a few milliseconds.

To summarise, there are a number of national and global time and frequency references available for synchronising computers and computer networks. Many can provide synchronisation to within a few microseconds of the correct time. Utilising accurate radio or GPS timing references, precise time is freely available without the expense of installing an atomic time clock.

David Evans is a highly experienced technical author who specialises in time server and atomic clock time synchronisation systems to ensure accurate network time. Click here to find out more about atomic clock and GPS NTP server systems.

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